If you know me even just a little bit, you know that I LOVE popcorn. It's definitely my guilty pleasure. Some of my friends keep popcorn in their pantries just because they know I'm coming over and chances are that'll be the one thing I ask for by the end of the night. It doesn't matter how I get it...popped in the microwave, popped on the stove, popped over a campfire...homemade, plain, doused in butter, or salt, or both...I'll take it!

So when I was talking to one of my friends the other night, we were discussing where God had us and if He had spoken anything specific to us about this New Year. He shared what was on his heart and proceeded to ask me what I was getting from God in terms of the subject at hand.

NEW.

I'm not sure how profound it is...but it's something. Usually, God speaks something pretty specific to me at the beginning of each year. Maybe it's specific and I just don't realize it. Who knows...

I explained to my friend that this last year was like a massive amount of organized chaos. Between life on the race, life at home, family, friends, finances, health, etc...it's simply been chaotic. But unlike an intense "MY LIFE IS FALLING APART!!" kind of chaos...more like kernels in a popcorn maker kind of chaos.

As I was talking to my friend, I got this vision of a popcorn maker. My roommate got one for Christmas and we had just made some the night before, so it was fresh on my mind. It's the type of popcorn maker that looks like a bubble on top of a round pan-looking bottom. When you turn it on, a little arm spins around the bottom and stirs the kernels as the popcorn maker heats up. It starts out very controlled...almost soothing. You know that chaos is coming, but you know that in the end, the outcome is going to be sooo worth it! And you can't wait to watch it happen.

So, last year, my life was similar to being in the middle of a popcorn maker.

It started out controlled, but I knew that things were heating up. And just like when popcorn kernels start to heat up, things in my life started to explode. I quickly found out that my parents had separated...I was threatened with malaria and kidney failure...life in Africa and India were super dry and just blah...relationships back here in America were tested...the shock of having much less community here in the states than I had anticipated set in.

The fire under me got hot! At times, it seemed way too hot for comfort and I struggled with how exactly to deal with it. The funny thing is that it always seemed to have some sort of weird hint of organization or control to it...like that big bubble that contains the popcorn as it heats up. It allows for popcorn to be produced and it keeps the popping going for a longer period of time. It produces more "fruit" and it holds everything together despite the tiny explosions going on within the popcorn maker. I think that's been God this year...

But through the fire and the heat, life began to slow down. If you've ever listened to popcorn pop, it starts out slow and then before you know it, it's like an explosion is never ending in your popcorn maker, your pot on the stove or in your microwave. And then as soon as you hear 5 seconds between pops, you have to take it off the burner quickly as to not let it burn.

This was how my year ended. I feel like my life went through a popcorn maker and I'm just sitting here, now, ready to enjoy the nice little snack that the heat and the kernels created. It's crazy that you can add some heat to something so small, crunchy and NOT satisfying and come out with something so delectable, appetizing and enjoyable!

So, as far as this new year goes, I feel like I'm at a perfect place to just enjoy life...enjoy what has happened in the past, what's happening now and what the future is bringing.

"It's gonna be wild, it's gonna be great, it's gonna be full of Me..."

It's gonna be NEW!

So, it's been over a month since I returned back to the states. In a way, it seems like I just got back a few days ago...on the other hand, it seems like the race never even happened. I guess it's been similar to the time warp I felt ON the Race.

The question is...what comes after the World Race?

It's a question I'm still trying to figure out day to day...sometimes even hour to hour.

Arriving in New York was strange. It was almost numbing. It was hard to believe that it was over. It was hard to say bye to everyone...but there was this building anticipation of "CRAP, YAY, I'm going HOME!!"

Within the first few days, I went through the normal culture shock. On the way home from the airport, my friends and I decided on lunch when we got into Savannah. My response was this: "oh, it's so close to your apartment! We don't even have to take transportation...we can just walk like 5 minutes and be back to eat!" That was followed by 4 people giving me the strangest glare...and the response "well, I do have a car...we could just drive." After nearly 11 months of having to take public transportation or walking everywhere we went...even if it was an hour away, it baffled me that we would waste our gas when our destination was soooo close!

I was so concerned with putting the windows down in vehicles for the first couple rides (even though the A/C was on...duh!) that it took me about 2 weeks to get used to putting a seat belt on again.

Stupid little culture shock things.

And then the realization set in. I realized that the World Race wasn't just a dream. That I returned back to a country, a life, a culture, a community that had gone through their own changes. That's the part that was the hardest then and even now, it continues to be difficult. 

It's so weird to see yourself in the light of who you were and who you've become. It's weird to see the same people you used to click with and find that you're on totally different levels. It's weird to try to live life as you've been used to for almost a year in a culture that just doesn't understand. It's strange to leave the country as "the victim," "the one with no voice," "the weak one," and "the doubting, confused one"...and come back as "the one living in freedom," the one with so much strength," the one with the priceless voice," and "the one with the firm foundation and an undoubted identity."

I've struggled with finding a happy medium between loving people here who seem to "wallow" in where they are. Even that sounds terrible and full of judgment. I'm in a season of finding that medium and loving.

I have to constantly remember that I used to be there...I used to wallow and give up and sulk. I still get hit with doubt and fear and insecurity just like anyone else. I still have my moments. But, just like I was sent to love and learn about God's love around the world, I'm called to love here...where I am...in whatever I'm doing. God's called me to SIMPLY LOVE.

So, what comes after the World Race??

LOVE

It casts out fear, heals, perseveres, protects, restores, sets free, saves...and everything else you could possibly imagine.

It does what I cannot do in my own power.

It releases His power and His will on His children all around the world.

So, here's a list of what I'm doing after the World Race starting with (of course) the most important...

1.       Loving God

2.       Loving myself

3.       Loving others

4.       Teaching at Providence Christian School as the 3^rd, 4^th, and 5^th grade teacher. This was a HUGE blessing and definitely provided by God! I interviewed over Skype from Romania and, although I felt like I bombed it, they met with me again within 4 days of coming back to America and the next day, I was attending Open House, meeting with the board and planning my classroom. TOTALLY God ordained...I don't even fully have my Masters yet and there are so many other qualified teachers...but God opened the door and He's blessed me immensely with such an INCREDIBLE first teaching job!!

5.       Getting acclimated with the people and the culture around me...while still living free and totally sold out for Christ.

6.       Trying to get re-established. When I left for the World Race, I literally SOLD EVERYTHING. My first few days, I lived out of my World Race backpack, stayed on a couch and relied on others to drive me everywhere. NOW, I live out of a box, I sleep on a couch (still) and (still) rely on others to drive me everywhere. (Ya'll ROCK!!) I have my moments where I can't WAIT to get an apartment, a car, furniture, my own bed, a kitchen I can call my own, etc. But then, I think about how nervous I am to get settled and how I just wanna keep going and going and going. BUT, the truth of the matter is that I KNOW God has called me here for this season and He's gonna provide what I need to settle for this season.

So, this is my life after the World Race! It's been amazing to be back! Amazingly awesome, chaotic, crazy, fun, faith-building...

I'm excited to see what else God's going to do in this season! He's already working here in Savannah and I'm hoping I get to blog about that soon, too.

Last, if you're located in Savannah and you have anything you want to donate to help me re-establish, PLEASE, let me know. J I'll take everything I can get!

Our countdown is nearing the end. Tomorrow morning, we'll leave Romania and head back to America. I can't believe it's over...but there are certain things I'll never forget about it...the most important being this group of people...

This has been one of the most amazing, yet trying, years of my entire life. Please read this excerpt from Ryan's blog that perfectly explains the race...

Imagine that you had a crazy dream, and you stepped out in faith to follow it.

Imagine that you have left all your comforts in life, and now choose to live uncomfortably.

Imagine leaving all your family and friends to live with 40 strangers.

Imagine a life of abandonment.

Imagine living simple.

Imagine grieving a death from 5,000 miles away.

Imagine your name has changed to "Mzungu."

Imagine going days without showering.

Imagine that your friends are now strangers, and strangers are your closest friends.

Imagine living with the homeless, broken, hurt, lost, orphaned, and sick for an entire year.

Imagine celebrating every holiday for a year without your friends and family.

Imagine that the world no longer revolves around you!

Imagine that you start to care more about other people than yourself.

Imagine facing all your biggest fears head on!

Imagine living everyday as though it were your last.

Imagine waking up at 7:00 am is "Sleeping in."

Imagine totally relying on God for all of your needs.

Imagine being supported financially by strangers from all around the world you have never met.

Imagine preaching everyday to people that don't even speak English.

Imagine praying for people who just stole from you.

Imagine everything you owned fitting into one backpack.

Imagine that you only had 1 pair of pants, 3 pairs of shorts, 6 shirts, and 6 pairs of underwear for an entire year.

Imagine being afraid of heights and bungee jumping.

Imagine a life with no fast food or drive-thru's.

Imagine a spiritual calling on your life that seems impossible, but with God it becomes reality.

Imagine being in an African hospital sick, and being able to say, "It's just malaria, I'll be fine."

Imagine no dating for one year!

Imagine living everyday as a new adventure.

Imagine not being hugged or touched for a year by your family and friends.

Imagine praying for miracles, and seeing God move!

Imagine sharing your complete testimony with people, and seeing it change their lives.

Imagine learning to walk in FREEDOM.

Imagine losing yourself, only to find who you truly are.

Imagine trying to help the world, although it seems to always be against you.

Imagine being misunderstood for a year.

Imagine learning parts of 11 new languages.

Imagine seeing an elephant walk down the street as you eat, and it doesn't even phase you.

Imagine living in the jungle.

Imagine eating things that would make most Americans' stomachs flip.

Imagine what was once "crazy" has become "normal."

Imagine that you life would be changed forever.

Imagine living in community with people that fight for you, in love, to help you become better.

Imagine a life of constant feedback.

Imagine finding a new way to love people.

Imagine finding Gods love in a deeper level.

Imagine making friends all over the world.

Imagine that there is "something more" out there.

Imagine that God is faithful, and wants to show you how.

Imagine coming home a different person than you left.

This has been my life.

And these people have been my family...33 of the most intense, insane, Christ-followers I've ever had the pleasure of knowing!

We are the "Q"

...Well, maybe not EVERY question you've ever had...but these are the answers to the questions you've asked about my World Race! Thank you for asking! So, without further ado...the ANSWERS!

1. Would you do it all over again?

YES! This has been one of the most stressful years of my life...yet, one of the best years of my life. As much as I went through and witnessed, I wouldn't even consider not doing it again. The growth, learning and freedom I found on the race is priceless to me and I would definitely do it all over again to find what I found on this trip. And not to mention all the people I met and ministered to made the trip absolutely amazing!

2. Is there ONE thing that stands out in all of your travels?

That life continues. Life is the same where ever you go. There's disease, hurt, pain, poverty, joy, goodness, and peace anywhere you go...it doesn't matter how the people live or what they look like...we're all the same. We all strive to simply live this life in the best way possible. And the greatest thing stands among us all...One God. He's the same everywhere. Despite our different lives...He's faithful and good and He never leaves us. I worship the same God as Christians in Thailand in the midst of prostitution, in Cambodia amidst a history of genocide, in Uganda who's people literally fight demonic powers within their loved ones, and in India where villagers struggle just to survive. Life isn't always easy, no matter who you are...but we serve a God who's faithful through it all!

3. How many "friends" have you made since you've been on God's journey?

I've met people in every country whom I'll never forget. Most of them are my facebook friends now! J ...so to answer the question...lots!

4. Have you had FUN while doing God's work?

I've had a blast! Living life with some of the most incredible people I've ever known adds a hint of spontaneity and humor...pretty much at all times. Whether we were tearing up jungles and watching our teammate eat worms or dressing up as our squad leaders and videotaping the results...we always find time to have fun and laugh a little...well, a LOT!

5. What was the biggest shock or surprise to you on this trip - the one thing that wasn't at all the way you imagined or anticipated it would be?

I don't think there was even a shock on the trip...it was things going on back home. I didn't anticipate things at home changing so much and it definitely sent a shock through my system that I'm still working out. They told us not to have expectations for the trip and I think I held to that pretty well.

6. If you had to do it all over again, what is one thing you would do differently?

I've been thinking of this one since I got the question...it's a hard one! It's hard to say because without any of this past year, I wouldn't be leaving as who I am now.

7. Out of the 11 months, which one did you like the best?

My favorite was, by far, Thailand...November 2010. We got to work with the trafficking ministry, The Tamar Center, in Pattaya. Trafficking ministries will always hold one of the highest places in my heart in terms of ministry. I LOVE working with those women! I also walked through a massive amount of freedom for myself that month! AND the culture, the people...everything about the place is amazing!

8. How would you sum up the year in one word?

Is this even possible...how would you sum up your year in one word?? Crazy... (but in all facets of the world...good, bad, ugly, beautiful, materialistically speaking, mentally, spiritually, physically...yeah)

9. Who was your most favorite teammate out of all the ones you had over your 11 months?

Well, I could give every teammate a most favorite title...

Most favorite to be "spaghetti" with - Carmen

Most favorite to get straight, real advice from - Nikki

Most favorite to worship with - Amy H

Most favorite drummer - Tricia

Most favorite to speak in 'Merican with - Kelly

Most favorite Swiss couple - Stefan and Christina (I love you guys!)

Most favorite to do Children's church with - Taylor

Most favorite artist - Amy L

Most favorite Uno Dealer - Brian

Most favorite Pickle eater - Ashley

Most favorite teammate who should have a cane - Michelle (ha!)

Most favorite Canadian Spirit-fire-breather - Cassie

Most favorite teammate with innumerable first names - Chandler...or Cha Cha...or Chow Chow...or Stanley...or Chandelier...

BUT above all, THE Q ROCKS MY WORLD!!! They've become my family and my most FAVORITE squad there is!

10. What is the first thing you are going to EAT, when you are back in the states?

I can't decide!!! I'm having this inner dilemma! Either tamales at Jalapeno's, a Quesadilla Explosion Salad at Chili's or a Bacon Turkey Bravo and a bowl of Chicken Noodle Soup at Panera! OH...I can't wait!!!!!

11. Will you ever do this again?

This specific trip...if God calls me, I'd be open to it! J Following the crazy path He puts in front of me...sign me up, I'm IN!!!

12. How much closer do you feel to God?

Well, I've learned more about Him and how much He loves me and this world. I've learned about His Spirit...about His faithfulness...about His promises. I've learned that I most definitely can hear His voice and I LOVE when He speaks! But, once again, I'm still living life like everyone else. I've grown closer, but it hasn't been without ordinary struggles of...life. I know Him more than I ever did before this trip and I know that I'll never be able to forget what He's shown me. I know that the journey has only begun and it'll only get better from here! I can't wait to see what He shows me about Himself next!

13. What was the one creation from God here on Earth (that you never have seen or heard of) that left you in AWE of Him all over again?

It was probably the sunrise over the ocean while we sat on top of a mountain in the Philippines. Or the river in the Philippines that we used to bathe in...when we went to bathe and He sent a storm to shower us from above.

14. What person from another country helped you to see God's love for YOU in a different light than before?

Probably Pastor Moses from Rwanda. He is one of the most amazing Godly men I've ever met! He and his wife took amazing care of us for the month. He shared his testimony with our team one night and it blew my mind how faithful God was. He poured so much encouragement into me as the team leader and was just there as a dad would be. He was an amazing example of God's unfailing love for me, His daughter.

It's not unusual for me to go through a day, right now, and think about the fact that this past year has literally seemed like a dream. It seems like just yesterday, I was boarding a plane from St. Louis and flying to LAX to meet up with the Q. I was terrified of stepping onto that plane and leaving everything I'd ever known. I wasn't sure what to expect or even how to go about it...but I trusted that God knew what He was doing with me.

So I stepped out of all of my discomforts, my fears and my insecurities...and I left the states.

Fast forward 11 months...and now I'm about to return back to the states.

As terrifying as it was to leave everything, I'm just as terrified to return.

Once again, I don't know where I'm going or what I'll be doing. Most everything is uncertain besides the fact that my family and friends love me and that I have a couch, lots of food, my cat, hugs and love waiting for me. Beyond the first few days of being home, I don't even know what to expect...but I guess that's why we're taught to have no expectations.

Anyway, now I'm just rambling! It's hard to keep my thoughts straight when there's so stinkin' many of them!

Last week, we got word that a new squad would be heading to Bucharest for their launch. We jumped at the chance for an amazing opportunity to meet up with the super fresh, new squad...X Squad!

This being our last month on the field and preparing to head back to the states...and on top of that, having alot of down time this month...I've had a lot of time to process the changing of seasons in my life. The World Race is ending, but this new, incredible season is starting. In the process of thinking over the past 11 months, I began to doubt just how much I'd actually witnessed and how much I'd actually grown and changed.

And then, we met X Squad...

Amazing, called, women and men of God...ready and willing to go out and serve despite that fear, discomfort and uncertainty that I mentioned up there -^-

They took me back to my first days on the race...when I was so nervous that I wasn't sure where to go or what to do unless someone told me. I didn't understand feedback or vulnerability or being fluid. I questioned my sanity when I decided to sign up for the trip...and then when I went to camp...and then when I boarded the first plane...then the second...then the third...and so on.

They showed me one of the most beautiful places I've ever been at in my life. This incredible balance of trusting and fearing...stepping out but wanting with everything to hold back...being vulnerable just by simply "being" yet wanting to run away super fast and far. Fighting every urge to back up and go in the opposite direction...yet staying.

Putting God's plans before your own...not because it's convenient or because it feels good or even because it's easy...

But because you're serving a God so much bigger and wiser than you and you understand that His plans are greater than yours.

They took me back to how I was...and who I am now.

And it amazed me.

I'm not who I was.

And I can't go back to that person.

So, if you're expecting me to simply be Jennilee when I get back...drop your expectations...that's the first rule for the World Race...it'll be good for you to drop your expectations of who I am right now and just see it for yourself. J

And it showed me who they are...X Squad.

Sold out...ready...doubtful, yet willing...fearful, yet excited...obedient...willing to lay down their lives for the gospel...my brothers and sisters.

So as nervous as I am to return back home, I remember where I came from...and I take strength from the newbies...they're walking where I already have...and I'm about to walk back through where they just came from. 

I can do this because I already did it once...and because they just did it. 

I can't wait to see how their race begins. As mine comes to a close, they will continue where we started...harvesting the seeds we planted and watering the fields where we've visited.

So as two roads meet, they've diverged once again. We're Ending...they're beginning. They're on the ride of a lifetime that will last for the rest of their Earthly lives!

X Squad...BRING THE KINGDOM!!

Last month, we were given the opportunity to help out at a softball camp in a small village in Ukraine. World Race teams have helped to host these in the past and, although I've never played before, I was super excited about the opportunity to help out and learn for myself.

So we drove out to this quaint little village on Tuesday and arrived at a small church. Several youth came out to greet us as we pulled up and they took us for an hour of tea time and Q & A. This was, by far, the most people I'd seen in one place in Ukraine who actually spoke enough English to converse with! I was already amazed and loving the ministry.

Then we all hopped in the cars and headed out to the field...although, I wouldn't call it a normal softball field. It was more like a "hasn't been cut for over 2 years with 2 foot grass growing everywhere" kinda field. But nonetheless, people started coming out of the wood works to see what we were doing. We unloaded the bats, balls and gloves and went to work on the basics...catch!

Of course, I was learning right along with everyone else. I definitely made the mistake of trying to catch a hurling softball with my ungloved hand...I learned real quick that that was a mistake. I also learned that I throw "'somewhat" like a girl, but that it's always perfectly on target!

I had told the team weeks ago that when it came time to do softball, I'd work the concession stand. So as they all took the field, confident enough to know what in the world they were doing, I handed out candy and got to know the girls from the church. We had SO much fun!

That evening, it began to rain before we were finished, so we had to pack up early and head back to our town.

The next day, we headed back out to the field and met up with even more people. Word had spread that we were there to teach them and have fun, so they saw us pull in and made their way to the field.

We started with throwing/catching drills and went straight into how to play the game.

It seems like such a simple ministry, but I can honestly say that the 2 days we worked at the softball camps were some of the most amazing days of ministry for the entire year. I loved hanging out with the youth from the small town and encouraging them all on how to play. It was amazing to see their improvement in just the 2 days that we were there with them!

On the last night, we showed the video "Facing the Giants" to everyone who attended that day. Please be praying as the camps continue for the rest of the summer!!

And check out our softball video, made by the amazing Michelle Cook!

I stole this blog from Michelle Cook...it gives you an amazing look at some of the weird things we've experienced this year! I've also added some other points. Enjoy!

Hello friends!! 

The World Race is a totally different culture from anything I've ever been a part of.  World Racers are a breed of their own...I have compiled a list of super random nonesense that can only happen on The World Race!  Thanks to my teammates who have helped...either by going through one of these experiences or helping me to remember that I experienced quite a few of these myself!!  Some of these you may not understand...some of them will sounds completely ridiculous...just know that each and every one of these is true without exaggeration.  Much love to you all!  See ya soon :)

You know you're a world racer when:

1. You use your webcam as a mirror because there are none at any of the places you stay or even the reflection from your iPod. 

2. You try to piece together your broken pieces of deodorant because it's the last one you brought from home and you still have 3 months left.

3. A ceramic squatty looks good after a month of squatting over a hole in the ground.

4. You'll use pretty much any facility available to relieve yourself...regardless of how clean (or dirty) it is.

5. iPod-alone-time is not a foreign concept...you stick your headphones in, crank them up, and shut your eyes and you are suddenly "alone" even though there are at least 5 other people in the room. 

6. A 9 am start time happens no earlier than 11 am.

7. You hoard napkins from places that actually have them because you know you'll need to use it as tp at some point.

8. You routinely need to send a text to your contact for the month simply telling him you will be late for dinner because you're casting out demons.

9. You use Deet to take off your fingernail polish.

10. You try to create new clothing combos out of the same three outfits you left home with.

11. The free table at debrief is like shopping at the mall

12. You cram 6 people into an ATM booth because it actually has air-conditioning.

13. A 66 hour travel day is normal. 

14. You get vomited on on the bus and you can't do anything about it for another twelve hours.

15. The bus stops for a restroom break and the men stand beside the bus and the women simply cross the street. There's no hiding behind bushes!

16. You use grass to clean the dirt from your teeth. Yes, that has happened lol.   

17. You have testimonies of most of your squad-mates memorized and can even fill in the details left out because you've heard it over and over in every country.

18. "Fellowship meeting" really means three people will be preaching 45 minutes each.

19. Breast feeding in public is more normal than seeing a baby being bottle fed.

20. You no longer care if the water you are brushing your teeth is bottled or even boiled for safety. 

21. Your only escape for privacy is your bucket shower. And even that is sometimes not private!

22. You're considered high maintenance because you shower daily as well change your underwear daily. 

23. The "special mat" you sit on consists of leaves pulled off a bush.

24. You'll use any sort of paper or object to clean under your nails...receipt, notebook paper, plastic, tooth pick, fork, or the knife from your leatherman, stick, laundry brush.

25. Your friends from home can't remember the last time they had diarrhea and you can't remember the last you didn't.

26. You'd prefer to sleep on the floor of the airport because it's more comfortable than the airport couches.

27. You walk around barefoot anytime you see carpet because you know it'll be months before you feel it again.

28. Staying two days in the airport is actually preferred because it means you'll have air conditioning, western toilets, and food other than rice.

29. You're not sure if the tan line on your feet is from the sun or the African dirt you've been walking in for 3 months.

30. You've finally thrown away your malaria meds to save space. Either you were taking them and still got malaria or never took them and never got malaria.

31. You think the space cleared up by removing your malaria meds will actually make your pack lighter and less crowded.

32. You finally decide to shave your legs after a week and a half and you shave off dirt that didn't come off from using your loofah. 

33. Filling ANY size of vehicle over capacity by at least 5 people is not out of the ordinary.

34. You'd rather stay in the same clothes for a few days because it's easier than digging into your pack during travel times. 

35. You finally have the opportunity to take a hot shower with water pressure...so you take 3 showers in one day.

36. You sprain your ankle, so they cast it up...because it's safer.

37. The hospital in Uganda becomes your second home for the month.

38. You walk into a European mall after leaving Africa and have to leave because there are 3 too many floors of beautiful clothes to see and you can't breathe.

39. People back home don't worry about their mosquito or bug bites, but my first instinct is "Oh, God! I hope they don't have malaria or a flesh eating disease or ..."

40. You've weighed your options for the first restaurant you'll go to upon returning home for 2 months and you still haven't made a decision.

41. You're friends with lots of new people on Facebook...but you can't remember a lot of them.

42. You refer to months of the year as countries.

43. Random sounds and phrases like "mmmmm," "Praise Him," Walk in that freedom," and "Kingdom" become part of your daily vocabulary.

44. You learn how to say "I can't speak Russian," but the Babushka's just hear the Russian coming out of your mouth and continue on with a conversation while you sit their clueless.

45. In some places, darn is a bad word. So when it comes out of your mouth, you proceed to say every other "bad word" like "crap, ugh, shoot, dangit, ahhhhhhhh!!"

46. You've lost every bikini tan line you've ever had and replaced them with lines just below your knees and shoulders.

47. You turn on water from the faucet and don't have to worry about conserving water...yet, you still only turn it up enough to dribble out.

48. You get dehydrated because you keep forgetting that you can drink out of the water faucet again.

49. You've mastered the art of going to the bathroom while squatting on a moving train.

50. You call 34 ragamuffin nomads your family.   I love the Q!

I had this expectation before the Race that I would fall so hopelessly, madly in love with God more than I ever have before. I also thought that by the end, I'd be so filled up with...I'm not even sure...but more filled with passion and desire and everything else than before the Race. I also thought that I'd have so much time to really just seek after God and we'd have these incredibly, intense dialogues and I'd just be able to bask in His presence.

There have definitely been times like that throughout the World Race. But, kinda like life, sometimes you have your highs and sometimes you're just simply in a low. I've fallen madly in love with God only to be tested by struggles and trials in which I'd have to literally fight for love. I've been filled up in my quiet times, by my squadmates and people all over the world...but I've also been drained of so much that I just wanted to sit in a corner and cry. I've experienced my own passion for Christ soar higher than ever before. I've heard God speak so clearly to me that it was as if He were sitting right next to me. But I've also gone through deserts where I thirsted so much and for so long that I forgot what would actually quench that thirst.

It's been nearly 10.5 months since the beginning. With everything that I've experienced over the past year, I continue to be amazed at where God's brought me.

And even with that thought, I still doubt sometimes that I've changed at all. I struggle. I deal with the doubts and the pain and the trials like any other human.

For the past 4 days, we've been working with a children's camp that is being hosted at our contact's complex. We've had hours upon hours to pour into the kids and the staff of the camp. We've had so much fun. From the moments where you attempt to jump on merry-go-rounds...and fail miserably, only to fall off...to the moments where a child spots you across the chapel and runs to sit next to you for the next hour...it's been incredible.

But, it wasn't until tonight that God started speaking to me about some new things He wants to teach me. I was sitting in the youth service as we started worship.

My first thought with foreign church services has honestly become, "hmm, what can I do to pass the time while they worship and speak in a completely different language?" How do you press into God when you have no idea what's going on and you can't really even worship? It's difficult!

So they asked everyone to stand for worship in Romania and I stood along with everyone else. The worship leader began to sing the worship songs. And for the first time in 10.5 months...he sang English songs! He sang in Romanian, but they were songs that I know in English...and GOOD ones at that! So I began to sing.

And before I knew it, I was pressing in to God. I was pouring out my songs and singing at the top of lungs even though everyone around me was singing in a completely different language. The Spirit was taking over and I was worshipping.

And not just to look like I understood what was going on...not just to standing there oblivious to the words or the meaning behind them...

Completely overwhelmed by God's grace and His provision and His love that He was pouring out over me in that very moment as I poured out my worship unto Him!

It was in that moment that I began to listen. The guitarist began to play "I Will Be Still and Know You Are God." I began to listen, not only to God, but to the people around me. It's hard to talk to most of them because most things get lost in translation, but in that moment, we were all praising one God. There was no barrier between any of us, but we were all worshipping the same Lord.

And God opened up my ears more. I definitely don't have the best voice, but God showed me that it didn't matter. He showed me that even with the worst voices in the mix, the choir of voices around me became one of the most beautiful sounds I'd ever heard.

There was no individual voice...they all meshed together and became one voice...with one purpose...for one God. And it reminded me of my life...

I have times when things are amazing...mountaintop moments...those moments that you never want to end. Those are the beautiful voices that can stand alone and stun a crowd. They grab your attention and keep you listening for hours. Those voices, or moments, that blow you away because of how beautiful they are.

I also have my desert moments where I hunger and thirst only to find nothing ahead of me for awhile. Like those terrible voices that are out of tune, out of harmony...just out. Those that can't stand on their own...and if they did, they'd be asked to quiet down and stop. The moments that you want to end as soon as possible so that you can get back to living out, or listening to, the beautiful.

My life is full of beautiful, heavenly songs and gut-wrenching, tone deaf songs. But when you put it all together, my life makes up the most beautiful song because it's God that holds it all together and it's all for Him.

So, even in my ugly moments, God's in them. To redeem. To restore. To give grace. To love unconditionally. To spur me on to keep fighting.

So, as this Race approaches the finish line, God's grace continues on before me.

My song is beautiful.

Despite me. And my failures.

Despite me. And my triumphs.

It's beautiful. Because He orchestrates it. And He, Himself, is woven throughout the entire song.

Oh, gosh! I can't believe that I'm actually writing this right now!

I can still remember sitting down to watch the World Race Intro video and making the decision to step out in faith and apply. I wasn't sure what I was getting myself into, but I knew it could be the opportunity of a lifetime. So, now that the Race is winding down and this season is coming to a close, what, you ask, is on my mind?

1. Abandonment

This whole year has been about abandoning yourself to the things of God...His will, His plan, His voice. I can't imagine going back to my old life and not living in abandonment! I can't imagine living life how I used to now that I know His voice so clearly...now that I know discomfort to the point of being comfortable in it (YES, that was one of my goals!!!) I don't want it to stop! Ever!

2. Momentum

As close as it's getting to returning to the states, it's difficult to stay in ministry mode and not switch to home-planning mode. That's where momentum comes in extremely handy. It's our team name and, so far, has helped me almost weekly in staying focused on the Race while I'm still here. The closer we get to the end, the more I have to repeat this word to myself...it's getting to be almost daily. But, God still has me here in this season. It's not over and we still have so much more of the world to share Jesus with! Just keep moving, just keep pushing, just keep going!

3. Future

What does that even mean?! I have no idea. I don't know what's to come or even where I'm going to end up. But I do know the answer that is above all those things. My God. He's my future...and whatever that entails...I'll take it. I'm excited about what's to come...although, constantly trying to revert back to #2.

4. Uncertainty

This is where the "oh, crap, what in the heck is going to happen, who have I become, who are you US people, what is this US culture, crap, crap, crap!" reaction comes in handy. Am I really allowed to take a shower AND run a dishwasher AND wash my clothes AND water the lawn all at ONCE?? Can I really sit on this toilet? Is there really an entire aisle of frozen pizza to choose from?? What in the world do I choose to eat when I have a menu full of normal American appetizers, salads, soups, entrees, drinks AND desserts??? How am I supposed to function without 4 other people to live life with 24/7????? You don't know what feedback is...oh, gosh...

5. Change

Yeah, all of the above, plus more. I've always claimed that change is what pushes you to grow more. So, I guess this will be my chance to another season of growth. Well, bring it on. Because, here on the race, no day is the same...there are changes every minute...and when you're working for the Almighty God as your boss, He likes to change things up pretty often. So, I'm pretty used to this one.

So, here's to the last month of this 11 month journey! I'm excited to end this out in complete 1.Abandonment with 2.Momentum towards 5.Changing my 4.Uncertain 3.Future!